very time I drive down this road it fills me with a bitter hope. The red and white glow of billboard signs, the red and blue of cop cars, the construction---it all evokes a strange, paradoxical calm excitement: the certainty of life. The allure of activity.
Of course it's all fake. Nobody lives here anymore.
Living in the country makes me forget how much I hate the city.
Living in the city makes me forget how much I love the country.
But those thoughts are unimportant. I have come here to do what I must.
I slow from 60 to 45 to 35.
And I remember what he said to me.
"Here you must train by night."
"Every night," he says, "you must train.
"You must train to kill the King.
"By night, every night,
"A new monster will appear to you,
"A stronger dragon will approach,
"And you must kill each of them---
"An endless horizon of daemons."
"I don't think I am trained for this."
"You will be by the end."
"And if I die?"
"Then you truly are a child of the dirt."
I have to try.
25. Yellow. Left. Red. Damn it. I tear over the crosswalk and pull into the Walgreens parking lot. A lot of people don't know this, but you can buy guns at Walgreens. You just have to ask; they don't keep them out on display.
Reverse. I back into the handicap spot. There's a dead pigeon hanging on the sign. The cops will know but they won't care. We live on the corpse of a thousand dead symbols.
Park. I check the map. Google did such a good job with the surface that now they're mapping the underground. After they realized space was a lie, it was all that was left. But not even they can help me where I'm going. Walgreens is a scary place. If I am not careful, I may not come back.
Bingo. I finish the Lucky Charms maze and I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Close the car door. Slam it. Across the street the cops escort an old bearded man out of the supermarket. There are two cars and five officers. A loud CHUCKA-CHUCKA-CHUCKA-CHUCKA yells overhead. Poor fool. He probably said grace. As they lead him off, a younger man in a blue tracksuit covers his eyes and follows. There are no handcuffs.
I spit a chunk of marshmallow gristle into the trashcan and pry open the door. Beeee-boooo. Tony is there. He cracks a big grin, showing his cracked teeth. Tony is in on the game. I tell people it was a quest from God, or a dream, or a vision, but it's just my little game I play with myself. Tony knows. I slide him an envelope.
"Three. I'll need some ammo too."
"Sure thing John." Tony calls everyone John.
He reaches under the counter and pulls out three big, beautiful green guns and a bottle of bubble solution. God, they even have orange tips like I remember. Score.
"I need something else, Tony. Tonight's the night."
Tony pulls out a chain from under his shirt. On the end of it is a silver key. He swings it in front of his eyes.
"I'll be needing something else too, John."
I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I came prepared. I always come prepared. I reach into my right sock and produce a small flash drive.
"This has everything. Are you sure you want it? There really is no coming back."
"Positive."
I hand Tony the flash drive and he hands me the key. I put it in my left sock with all the other flash drives.
It's a shame. I liked Tony, but he couldn't know the whole story---just enough to think he did. As I walked out of the store, he stood there, still smiling. As soon as I left I could hear the thump thump thump SKRREEE thump THUMP SLAM of someone rushing to commit indecency. I would never hear the screams.
Beep-beep, beep-beep! I lock the rest of my belongings away and write my last will and testament on the inside of the Lucky Charms box. Man can only take his jingles to the grave.
I carefully load the three guns and tuck them in my belt. Now is the time.
12:00. Black. As I curve around the back of the Walgreens, all the stars go out on cue. The higher-ups want to conserve energy.
I pat my way along the wall until I find it. Concrete. Concrete. Wood. Metal. The delicate convex protrusion of a doorknob.
And I reach down. I take the key. I slide it around my neck. It is the only link I will have to this world until it is finished.
I can hear the sirens howling just beyond me.
They must have heard me thinking "God." I need to hurry.
Fumble around. Metal on metal. Scratch. Slide. Click. Zip...
And it's in.
I turn the lock, and then the knob---
He said the first one would be able to speak, that I would see him rise over the desert, that first I must climb the spire. He said it would come from a canyon deeper than oceans. He said it would fall in a cloud of white.
I have to try.
I open the door and slide into the blackness within.
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